Fresh Blueberry Cobbler for the Bakingly Challenged

A cozy home scene: Baked goods and skulls!

I once had a recipe for "mock cobbler" that rocked my damn world.  No idea where the hell it went, though.  Someday I'll find it again, maybe.

But this is a story about blueberries.  I am not a big blueberry fan, having eaten about 9 thousand tons of them one summer afternoon in my youth.  My older brother and I were afflicted with the worst attack of food poisoning that the planet had ever known.  Fortunately, our vomming urges seemed to be in perfect sync; first one of us would have to run to blow some blueberry chunks, and then a few minutes upon that kid's return, the other would begin to heave.  We gave one another reports on the color, amount, and consistency all afternoon until finally, the torturous barfing finally ended. 

But, I digress!  I recently came into about 3 pounds of blueberries that needed to be used up before going bad!  At first, my plan was to make a lovely pie or two, but bugs in the flour ruled out that option.  (Despite the bonus protein that the bugs provide, I've gotta draw the line somewhere.)  Here's a great recipe for blueberry cobbler that hopefully won't remind you of the above story.  I did find a box of bug-free Jiffy mix, so decided to make cobbler instead.  I divided the batch into two pie plates to make it seem more pie-y.  Why the hell not?

Hopefully, the recipe below won't remind you much of the Vomit-Fest story above.  If you visit me and I bake this for you, eat all you like -- I still have an aversion to blueberries!

INGREDIENTS:
3/4 cup of water
1 cup of flax milk
4 cups of blueberries
4 tablespoons of butter
3/4 cup of sugar
2 cups of Jiffy biscuit/baking mix
1/2 teaspoon of salt
1 teaspoon of cinnamon
1/4 teaspoon of ginger

Here it is, all raw and yummy. No canned pie filling required.

 

 

DIRECTIONS:  This is super easy to make!  First, preheat your oven to 400 degrees.  Spray your cobbler dish (or use some pie plates like I did) and put your blueberries in the bottom, then sprinkle with spices.   In a separate bowl, mix the Jiffy, salt, and butter together until it's grainy and pea-like in consistency, then pour in the milk and continue to knead until the milk is thoroughly incorporated.  Crumble (or rip apart) the biscuit mixture, and then add dollops of it to the top of the berries.  Then, sprinkle the sugar over the biscuit blobs and berries.  Pour the cup of water over the whole thing, and pop into the oven for about 35 minutes.  (I turned my oven off and allowed the dishes to stay in there for a little while after.)

The recipe yielded a cobbler that was a bit runny, but still not bad.  The biscuit bits were surrounded with delicious berry syrup, and it wasn't too cinnamon-y for me.  Next time, I think I'll add my spices to the sugar, or at least sprinkle a little cinnamon on the top of the cobbler.  I may also mix the blobs and berries together next time, just to see if it makes a nicer variation in consistency.

Btw -- the original cobbler recipe can be found here on the Jiffy site.  I added my own twist to it, but the good news of it is that you can use pretty much any fruit that you've got, even mix it up, as long as you get to about 4 cups of fruit.  Pretty awesome, eh?

This dessert microwaves well the next day, too, by the way.

What Does Jicama Taste Like?

Our latest victims!

I've been hearing about jicama for years, but I've never known where to buy one or how to make it.  I have heard comparisons of jicama to other veggies and fruits like turnips, potatoes, apples, squash, and even water chestnuts.

Seeing that Chez Sage has been experimenting with vegan food (and restrictive vegan which is free of gluten and soy!), previously unexplored options are now on the table.  So when I asked Fuzz if he'd grab a jicama from his sojourn to the evil empire (Whole Foods, who still isn't treating their employees very nicely), his response was predictable: "WTF's a jicama, and how do you spell that?"

I explained what a jicama is -- known as a "Mexican turnip" or a "yam bean," it's a root veggie that is found in Mexico originally and is now also cultivated in parts of Asia.  It can be eaten raw or cooked, and many people compare the flavor and texture to raw beans, apples, and pears.

When I first thought of try a jicama in our quest for "grab-ables," all I knew was that jicama was crunchy and looked a little like a celery root (which made me wonder if it was related to celery -- I don't think it is).  Fuzz came back from the store with two jicamas (jicamae?) which he'd said cost about $1.99 a pound.  Not bad!  The next day, I went into the kitchen to peel and chop them.

What a pain in the ass to peel these jokers are.  NO LIE, they're going to make you swear mightily if you're not used to peeling them.  I used a standard veggie peeler, but then when I got to the onion-dome-shaped ends, I got lazy and hacked them off.  They looked pretty sad and gross without their skin, but I persevered.

Left: Big peeled jicama blob. Right: Tasty crunchy chunks.

After halving them, I decided to slice them into chunks and strips.  They look much prettier once they have been chopped, that's for sure.  Turns out that the jicama is pretty tasty raw.  It does have just a hint of sweetness to it, kind of like an apple or pear.  But it's not really that fruity, just a tiny bit of refreshing sweetness.  Jicama is crunchy, and a bit starchy like if a raw potato and a pear had some kind of illicit love-child.  I've heard that jicama is often eaten with salt, lime, and chili.  I can also see putting it in salads or dipping it in hummus or salsa.  There was one webpage that suggested chopping it into pieces and putting it on a fruit or veggie tray because it doesn't brown the way that apples do -- and I'll try that for sure next time I have a party.

Soy-Free, Gluten-Free, Vegan Fake Meat! (Part 1)

Behold: "I Can Believe It's Not Meat, But What the Hell, I'll Still Eat It!"

Living with a vegan can be a difficult thing when you love meat and dairy.  I don't think I could stand giving up things like chocolate, sushi (with fish, not just veg), and cheese.  Poultry would be a tough thing to quit, as well.  My nutritionist agrees that, because of my special dietary requirements, I should not have to give these things up as my need for protein trumps my desire to have less animal products in my diet.  As I always say, if it's something that you need to do... you need to do it! ;)

However, that doesn't mean that I'm not a good flexitarian.  Lately I've been taking to making a "universal" meal for the household that everyone can eat -- it's gluten free, soy free, and vegan -- but then we include extra add-ons in our own individual plates.  It is working out so far!

By the way, last week I watched my first episode of "Dr. Oz" ever, and he said that 20% of the world has trouble digesting gluten!  Ahhh, delicious gluten.  I don't know if I'm in that group or not, but due to my household's needs, the "universal" method seems to be working fine.  I use the vegan food as my side dish, and usually add a big ole hunk of soy or animal flesh to my portion.  Fuzz will eat the vegan food and possibly add extra carbs (which I can't have), such as potatoes or rice with his portion.

Doesn't that look similar to a big plate of nasty raw meat?

I have found several "vegan meat alternatives" online, and here's one that I Frankensteined together based on a number of different recipes.  It looks like ground beef, and is perfect for adding into things like pasta sauce, tacos, chili, shepherd's pie, and other things that require some tasty ground beef-like vibes.  This is a good one if you like that slow-roasted flavor, and if you're fortunate enough to have a gas oven (I'm not), I bet you'll love it even more!


Ingredients:

1 head of cauliflower, trimmed and cut into florets

1 3/4 cups of walnuts

about half a can of beets, drained and chopped

5 ounces of raw mushrooms

1-2 Roma tomatoes, chopped

2 tablespoons balsamic vinegar

Here's ours after about half an hour.  1 more hour to go!

2 tablespoons olive oil

1 teaspoon granulated garlic

1 teaspoon liquid smoke

1/2 teaspoon of your favorite seasoning salt

2 pinches of sage

(Optional: 2-4 tablespoons of rice protein powder to amp up your protein!)

Preheat your oven to 400*.  Chop up your cauliflower and blend it in the food processor until it's very fine in consistency.  Next, chop your mushrooms, tomatoes, and beet.  Add them along with all of your other ingredients into the food processor, and give them a good whirl!  Mix everything together in a big bowl and knead it just like you would with a meat loaf.

Take one big cookie sheet, or in our case, two baking dishes, and fill them up with "meat."  Pop them in the oven and find a way to stay busy while these things cook.  They're going to need somewhere between 45 minutes and an hour and a half to get nice and dark and well-cooked!

Not bad at all! :)

You'll know it's done when it's a darker color, resembling ground meat.  Keep in mind that these crumbles are very loose; ours were not clumpy in any way -- I think they would be awesome if they were more clumpy for things like tacos or whatever, but I was still happy with the loose fine texture.  Pair with your favorite gluten-free pasta & vegan sauce, and you have a dinner that will evoke those good old non-restrictive food days!

I Love Kala Namak Black Salt!

Kala namak is also known as "black salt." Usually it comes from India, and is often a pale pinkish or grayish colors.  You can see the picture that I took of my newly purchased black salt... It consists of a strong flavored salt with extra minerals. There is a sulfur flavor in there too, which some may find icky but I love it!

My need for kala namak originated from my desire to make vegan eggs. I usually do tofu scramble, and have my own special blend of seasonings, but last year I learned how to make vegan sunny-side-up eggs (Thanks to "The Airy Way"!) and was informed that the black salt can really add something tasty to this dish.

My search online showed that black salt can be expensive, but Fluffy grabbed me a pack at his local Indian grocery for a mere 99 cents!  It is packaged by Maya Overseas Foods Inc. and seems to be of perfect quality. I'll be making my next vegan egg attempt soon, so watch this space for details! :)