Emergency Guacamole!

It only has 2 ingredients, and it looks pretty disgusting when it's done, but it scratches the guac itch!!

First, you need a ripe avocado and a bottle of Cholula chili-lime hot sauce. (OMG. I love it -- I could *drink* this stuff!!)

Mash the living hell out of the avocado and add as much sauce as you can stand!

When it's done, might look kinda brown. (If you care, add some cilantro, green onion, even parsley or tomatillos to even out the color.)

Close enough! :)

Making Cook and Serve Pudding in the Microwave

Yes, it can be done! My results may not be your results, though.

First, I whisked my milk and "cook & serve" pudding together. Then I placed it in a tall plastic container... It's important for your container to be tall! Otherwise, the pudding is going to overflow and it'll be all over the microwave.

My microwave is one of those spinny rotating ones.  I put the mixture in for 2 minutes on the microwave's normal setting, then brought it back out and whisked it really good. By this time it was very well blended, and had bubbled while cooking, but still remained very thin.

When I placed it back into the microwave this time, I did it for 3 minutes. After half the time, the pudding had risen to the top of the container, so I took it out and whisked away the lumps. This is a picture of what it looked like right after -- seems to work just fine! After it cools, I'm using it to make fruit dip for a party I'm attending tonight.

My advice is to watch that sucker, and whisk it good between nukes. Give it a try and let me know how it goes. :)

I'm Making My Own Extracts & You Can Too!

I've had a big bottle of cheapo vodka burning a hole in my cabinets for quite some time now!  My plan was to (a) make my own extracts, (b) make my own essential oils, and (c) make my own perfume.  I've had perfume-related fails before, as you may know, so I'm still trying to figure out how I want to do that.

Months ago, I bought some dried juniper berries which I've been wanting to turn into extract and essential oil, so that's my plan at this point.  Rather than sit around waiting for shit to happen and THEN blog about it, I decided to start now and do this entry in realtime.

Looks like a lot more than it actually is.

I used about an ounce of dried food-grade juniper berries for this little experiment, and about 8 ounces of vodka.  (Yeah, I'm making a lot!  I guess it'll be kind of like fake gin.)  The research I've done suggests using a bottle or jar with dark-colored glass as light can interfere with the integrity of the extract, but I've decided to settle for a family-sized plastic Ragu jar which I'll be keeping away from light.

The juniper berries will be absorbing the alcohol, which will then absorb all of the delicious juniper essence from the berries.  Juniper berries have a somewhat oily consistency on the inside, so they should yield a very nice extract in a relatively short amount of time.  I'll probably keep these marinating for about a week or two.  I may give the berries a good squish after about a week, but when the extract is finished, I will drain it and bottle it.  And don't worry, I won't forget to take pictures! :)

Febreze For People

The downside to having an awesome Body & Soul party was that I seem to have contracted some form of plague from one of our party guests.  I guess that the fun of that wonderful cooking and being psychic came with a price!

Anyway, this morning I'm off to our local clinic to get myself tested.  I've got a VIP houseguest in a few days, and I don't want to pass along the plague!

Sometimes, when you get sick and you're taking antibiotics OR you're reluctant to hop into the shower first thing in the morning because you worry about going outside with a wet head, you may want to hold off showering until later in the day.  Or, maybe you have some emergency errands that needs to be done PFQ.  Perhaps you've just finished a yoga class, but forgot about that important meeting which starts in (uh oh!) just 15 minutes!  Mayhaps you've woken up to no power or hot water (holy crap-oly!!)... Whatever the situation, there may just come a day where you're in need of some alternative solutions.  Don't worry, I'm way ahead of you.  It is in this spirit that I bring you my recipe for "Febreze for People."


INGREDIENTS:
1/2 cup of your favorite lotion, preferably clean-smelling! Think citrus and/or minty!
2 tablespoons of denatured alcohol (rubbing alcohol or hand sanitizer works fine)
3/8 cup of water
OPTIONAL: 1-2 drops of citrusy, tea tree, or mint essential oil

Mix everything together, except for the water.  Pour into an 8-oz(ish) spray bottle, top off with the water, and shake well.  Whenever you don't have time for a shower or bath, use this solution as a quick refresher.  Just spray it onto your body, wipe with any soft cloth, and rub in the excess.

Depending on the lotion, you can use it on your face (don't get in eyes) as an emergency makeup remover.  Don't use in your hair or it'll get way greasy -- if your hair feels icky, just use a bit of baby powder to freshen it before your important event.

Speak Out & Save the Internet!

Millions of Americans oppose SOPA and PIPA because these bills would censor the Internet and slow economic growth in the U.S.

Two bills before Congress, known as the Protect IP Act (PIPA) in the Senate and the Stop Online Piracy Act (SOPA) in the House, would censor the Web and impose harmful regulations on American business. Millions of Internet users and entrepreneurs already oppose SOPA and PIPA.

The Senate will begin voting on January 24th. Please let them know how you feel. Sign this petition urging Congress to vote NO on PIPA and SOPA before it is too late.

Sign the petition here.  And be sure to use the widget below to call your representatives to urge them NOT to censor the internet!

To help even more, please share this blog entry (or the links) with anyone and everyone that you can -- repost in your blog!  Forward to your friends and family via email!  Share via Twitter and Facebook.  Do it now, before the internet is changed (for the worse) forever!

Thank you!!!

Love, Peace, & Chicken Legs

I'm not exactly sure how or why, but I recently came across this blog entry from Dine & Dish about baked chicken legs.  Somehow, the author has become obsessed with them to the point where she wants to eat them every day!

I showed Fuzz this article, and he was like "WTF is so special about baked chicken legs?"  And it's true; the ingredients are pretty simple -- just salt and pepper, a soupçon of olive oil, and the legs.  You basically pop them in the oven, and Bob's your uncle, baked chicken legs!  The commenters seemed to be singing the praises of these simple leggies to high heaven.  They were so fanatical about the glory and wonderousness that is baked chicken legs, that I had to try it and figure out what the deal was.  We made a half-batch for dinner soon afterward.

Well, I must say, dinner was rather unimpressive that night.  "Um, yeah, it's just chicken," Fuzz said, picking at his legs.  I wasn't quite as snobby about it as he was, and enjoyed it for what it was -- just some simple chicken, salt and pepper, a tiny bit of Frank's, no big whoop.  We packed up the excess legs, and within a day or two, I was requesting some of the leftovers for lunch and/or dinner.  Much to Fuzz's surprise, I enjoyed the hell outta those leftovers!

For the record, I don't consider these baked chicken legs to be quite as orgasmic as the enthusiastic commenters in each blog.  However, these sure were easy.  And the leftovers were just what a mobility-challenged gal like me needs on a high-pain-score day: plentiful, great without heating, and highly "grabbable."  What's more, a medium-sized chicken leg, sans frying or crazy sauces and condiments, is approximately about 70 calories or so (80-something if you absolutely have to eat the chicken skin).  So, even though I wouldn't call them God's gift to chicken legs, I would absolutely say that they're very tasty in their own right, convenient, and quite healthy too.  I'll be experimenting with some more seasoning techniques in the future, and will let you know how it goes!

P.S.  Apologies for the lame-ass clip art -- it was either clip art or nothing, and I didn't want to break my own anti-perfection rule!  Turns out that my Motorola Cliq has officially bitten the dust!  Fortunately, my replacement phone has been ordered, and should be arriving any day now.  So I'll be going back to some more regular posting in the near future, I'm sure. :)

The Incredible Edible Vegg!

I came across a recipe for vegan egg yolks on The Airy Way.  Usually I just do a tasty tofu scramble with my "secret ingredients," but I thought Zoa's take on vegan egg-style meal was really innovative!  The pictures were so tempting, and the idea of making a tofu "egg white" with a yellow "yolk" just couldn't be filed away for too long.  And yes, there was a footnote about people finding the ingredients to be "gross" -- which, I must admit, I kinda did!  But my curiosity outweighed the gross factor, and I'm so glad it did, because I discovered that it's actually pretty good.  So try it, maybe you'll like it too!

Here are the ingredients from Zoa's blog:

Vegan egg yolk (makes 2 yolks)

1/2 tbsp Veganaise
1/2 tbsp carrot juice (if you don't have carrot juice, just finely grate a carrot and squeeze the juice out of it)
2 tbsp vegetable broth (or 2 tbsp water and 1/4 tsp nutritional yeast)
1 tbsp Earth Balance*
1 tsp cornstarch

(*Admittedly, I did not vegan-ize this recipe all the way.  All I had was "I Can't Believe It's Not Butter," please don't be mad at me!)

The real technique can be found if you click on the Airy Way link above.  The recommended microwaving time is in 5-second increments, which I failed to remember while I was doing my cooking (I had only written down the ingredients.)  As it was, I just mixed everything together -- using the water/nutritional yeast method -- and microwaved it in 20 second increments, whisking the hell out of it after each pass.  I think it took me two 20-second passes in the microwave.  You might need a third, depending on how hot your microwave cooks.  Or you can just follow Zoa's directions and do it correctly. ;)

After I first mixed everything together, I must admit that it that it looked pretty ho-riffic.  I began to have some second thoughts, but decided to press on!

Yeah, it's not a pretty picture.  If it looks like this, you're (unfortunately)
 doing it right.  But... keep going.  It gets better, I promise! :)

After the first 20-second pass in the microwave, I whisked the hell out of it, then did another pass.  It mellowed into a beautiful golden egg-yolk yellow shade.  The consistency was smooth and velvety, with just a hint of lumps from the carrot I grated to get the carrot juice.  And incidentally, I would not recommend omitting the carrot juice from this recipe; I must admit that I don't taste it much at all, but it really does help impart a beautiful eggy color to the finished product.

Somehow, everything melted and melded together
into a beautiful "vegg yolk" starter!

Zoa carved a hole into the tofu and then in a separate post (here) recommended microwaving the tofu before filling the hole with the "yolk" -- it makes the wet tofu give up its water a lot more efficiently, and become more eggy in texture.  I carved my yolk holes, and did my best to shape the tofu.  Mine weren't even remotely as pretty as hers, but hey, I tried!

Yum!  It's not just for breakfast anymore!

The blog posting also recommended that the yolk mixture made a good sauce on its own as well, so for the rest of my 'fu, I made another batch -- only this time, at the end, I added a dash of Montreal seasoning and a packet of True Lemon.  Viola... I Can't Believe It's Not Hollandaise! ;)

All in all, I'd give this experiment a good solid B+.  I'll give it another shot sometime and make it an even better grade in the future.

Pooping Rainbows

I've had some pictures for over a year, and decided to FINALLY post them onto PGS.  The inspiration for this project came from... well, I have no idea, actually.  But I thought, "Wouldn't it be cool to cut into a cake and have it be all rainbowy and stuff?"   And no, these ones aren't mine... these NEXT ones, with the cake all cracked and messed up... yeah, those are mine! ;)

Even though I came up with the idea on my own, it wasn't totally original. Turns out that others have also thought of baking a rainbow into a cake... and many pictures of rainbow cakes have been popping up all over online! I had originally planned to make my own cake from scratch, but after I baked it I thought, what the hell -- I'll use a mix next time. A bit of research has yielded the now (somewhat) famous rainbow cake thread over at Something Awful, as well as the how-to step-by-step guide over at Omnomicon. Apparently, all you really need to do is add a 12-ounce can of clear soda to a box of cake mix, bake according to instructions, and you're done! I did my cake the old-school way with eggs and oil, 'cause that's just how I roll. But next time, I'll give the soda trick a try. Someone also commented about using club soda and/or seltzer, which would be nice if you don't want your cake to taste like Sprite and/or 7up.  

Rainbow cake is renowned for its 
lash-growing & teeth-whitening abilities. 
 If you don't believe me, just ask this 
cake-tasting supermodel! :)

My cake didn't turn out so well (hence the "fail" label), but that's because my springform pans suck; I have to buy YET ANOTHER SET someday, so we'll see how that goes in due time. :)  The entire surface got a series of big ol' splits across the top, which I filled in with a shitload of chocolate icing.  I didn't get a picture of the finished product, or of the cake after it had been cut; the person to whom I'd gifted the cake failed to honor my requests for more images of it once it had been cut. So it was a big fail all around; maybe next time it'll work out better.  I have a few friends' birthdays coming up, so we'll see how that goes.

You show that rainbow cake who's
boss, Guy With Beard And Pretty Eyes!

I'm going to try the simpler method next time and let you know how it goes.  The other thought I had was, wouldn't this be a cool idea for holidays -- the 4th of July (red, white, & blue cake) and Halloween (orange, green, purple?) come to mind as fantastic ideas for this cake project.


I know that there are a lot of pictures in this particular entry, but I just had to show them to illustrate how totally cool this project is.  If you have never baked a rainbow cake, give it a try.  It's a fun surprise when you cut into the cake, and all of those colors are inside.  Very festive indeed!  Pics of the more successful rainbow cakes are courtesy of  Rev Dan Catt, Better Than Bacon, & Justgrimes.  Thanks everyone, for sharing your masterpieces! :)

Lazy Woman Casserole

I probably shouldn't call it "Lazy Woman" Casserole, but what the heck?  I've made it on days when I've been super-busy, AND on days when I've been just feeling kinda lazy and not terribly keen on making a gourmet masterpiece.  I have degenerative disc disease, so sometimes all I can really manage is standing for about 5 minutes before my pesky ole' L4/L5 region gets the best of me.

When I look at the pictures of this thing, I have to tell you that it doesn't look all that appetizing.  And as one Amazon user put it, "Sometines you just want one of the original 'fast foods' that your mother/grandmother heated up," this isn't necessarily something healthy enough to make all the time.  That said -- it's quick, it's easy, and most of the non-staple ingredients can be stored in the freezer or pantry forever until you're finally ready to put it together.  (Well, frozen veggies are a staple in MY house, anyway!)  The veggies give it the illusion of a balanced meal, but you can always add more to the batch, and serve with a salad, if you want to give it an even healthier kick.


LAZY WOMAN CASSEROLE:

Ingredients:
2 4.9-oz boxes of Betty Crocker au gratin potatoes (or generic equivalent)
4 cups of hot and/or boiling water
1 cup of milk
1 bag of frozen veg (I like "California Mix" which is a blend of broccoli/carrots/cauli; but use your fave!)
1 8-oz bag of shredded cheddar cheese.
between 2-4 tablespoons of butter or margarine (package calls for it, but totally optional!)

1.  Preheat your oven to 350 and spray your casserole dish with cooking spray.  Some people like to defrost their veg in the microwave around this time (like me -- I enjoy my broccoli in the softest capacity possible) but if you want a bit more "bite" to those vegetables, don't bother.  The broccoli WILL get super-duper soft if it is thawed first, and this isn't a texture that everyone on Earth enjoys!

2.  Dump the hot water into the casserole dish along with the potato packets & special sauce packets that come with the potato mixes.  Stir 'em up, then add your milk and veggies.

3.  At this point, if you wish to incorporate a handful or two of cheese directly into the potatoes, feel free to do so.  Otherwise, just dot the top with your butter/margarine if you're using it -- I cut mine into little bits and stick 'em around the edges to keep things adequately lubed during cook time.  (If not, I would recommend spraying the top with a tiny bit of cooking spray just in case.)  Then pop this sucker into the oven *uncovered* and let it cook for about 30-40 minutes.

4.  After this time has elapsed, open your oven and dump (remaining?) cheese over the whole thing.  You can sprinkle a little paprika onto the casserole as well, if you want to fool people with a majorly sexy "oven-browned" texture.  Mua, ha, haaah!  Leave it in the oven for another 10-15 minutes to let the cheese melt.

5.  When the timer sounds, take these out of the oven and let them sit for at least 15-20 minutes.  Trust me, this is HOT and will burn the heck out of your mouth and throat if you dig right in!  If you can wait even a bit longer, that'd be even better.

 6.  Refrigerate any unused portions, and believe me, this makes quite a bit, so there will definitely be lots of yummy leftovers.  These are even better the next day!