Emergency Guacamole!

It only has 2 ingredients, and it looks pretty disgusting when it's done, but it scratches the guac itch!!

First, you need a ripe avocado and a bottle of Cholula chili-lime hot sauce. (OMG. I love it -- I could *drink* this stuff!!)

Mash the living hell out of the avocado and add as much sauce as you can stand!

When it's done, might look kinda brown. (If you care, add some cilantro, green onion, even parsley or tomatillos to even out the color.)

Close enough! :)

Breakfast Polenta Recipe

I freaking LOVE to eat polenta!  Usually, I eat it as it's in its mushy state... Instead of a heap of pasta or mashed potatoes, I'll opt for polenta to be the bottom against my sauce's meaty top. Heh heh.

Last week, I had a vegan dinner party and decided to use polenta as a crust for my cottage pie.  (It was yummy and I was lazy!).  I was left with about 2 cups of yummy corny awesomeness to use later.

The first thing that I did was to unmold it and consider my options.

Then I sliced it into pieces, added a little olive oil to a hot pan, and got to work! I think it was about 5 minutes before I needed to flip.

They started looking better!

Not all flipping was successful.

It really started to get awesome after a few minutes on the other side.  A cast-iron skillet is the way to go.

After a tiny sprinkling of salt, I was ready to eat! This was a very filling, happy, and satisfying breakfast that I can't wait to make again sometime.

 (Oops: here's the recipe! Take 2 cups of polenta {1/2 cup of cornmeal stirred into 2ish cups of boiling water; add seasonings of your choice}, pour it in a container & allow to chill overnight or longer, unmold, cut into strips, and cook with about a teaspoon or two of olive oil, high heat, about 5 minutes per side. You can flip again to lock in the polenta-y goodness, but that's optional. Dash with salt, serve, and eat!)

Review: So Delicious Chocolate Ice Cream

Lately, it seems that all I'm doing is posting reviews about beauty products and food. I'm ok with that. :)

This summer, I have been living with a vegan that has made cooking a real challenge!  However, I've been rising to the occasion with fake meat recipes, fake egg recipes, and plenty of other fairly tasty inventions.  However, when I come across something that I don't have to pull together to enjoy, it makes me that much happier.

Enter "So Delicious" products... There's a vast array of ice creams, yogurts, and milks that would make your head spin!  I have tried their coconut milk-type-product and it was just okay, though a swig here and there isn't the same as *using* it somewhere.  But the ice cream has been a wonderful experience!  Lower in carbs and fat than traditional ice cream, it's a health-conscious dessert-o-phile's dream come true.  Only 150 cals for a 1/2 cup serving, and a scant 20 carbs (with just 12 from sugars)!  The consistency is very ice-cream-like, and the deep chocolate flavor is incredibly satisfying.  One drawback is that it doesn't scoop as smoothly as regular ice cream; but that's ok. Just let it melt for a few seconds.  

I love this stuff.  The one drawback is the price, at about $4 a pint!  However, since we are eating far leas takeout and processed foods these days, the cost difference isn't so bad. As my vegan says of a product that he enjoys, "It's humanizing."  When we can find things that make our lives easier & more normal, why not go for it every now and again? 

How to Caramelize Onions in the Crockpot

One of life's biggest pains in the ass is chopping, sweating, and browning onions. The flavor really adds an important element to virtually anything that requires onions. So, we chop and hope for an easier alternative.

I had done some research and found that it is possible to cook, brown, and caramelize onions in the crockpot. When I tried it, the results were excellent! In fact, spending one day babysitting my onions yielded many days worth of tasty, awesome, flavorful brown onions.

Here's all you need: a 5-pound bag of plain old yellow or white onions, a couple of tablespoons of olive oil, and your trusty crockpot. 

Simply peel and chop all of your onions in the desired shape. (Rings for French onion soup, big blobs for stews, or minced if you like an all-purpose easy onion shape.). Put them all into your crockpot and drizzle your olive oil onto the onions. You don't need much! I typically use somewhere between 1 and 2 tablespoons.

Stir them up to coat with the oil, cover, and put your crockpot on "high" for a good long time (about 10 to 12 hours). Halfway through, you can stir them up a little.  Once the onions are done, I cool them overnight before portioning and freezing them. The onions yield a lot of juice, which is great to substitute for water in any savory recipe. About half a cup of "onion sludge"  can be used in place of an onion in your favorite recipe. 

Yes, five pounds of onions take a long time to cook this way.  But at least you can go about your day without having to keep your eyes glued to a skillet!  By the way... Your house will smell murderously delicious and savory while these are cooking away! Be sure to have a good dinner plan to distract you from the seductive aroma!

What Does Jicama Taste Like?

Our latest victims!

I've been hearing about jicama for years, but I've never known where to buy one or how to make it.  I have heard comparisons of jicama to other veggies and fruits like turnips, potatoes, apples, squash, and even water chestnuts.

Seeing that Chez Sage has been experimenting with vegan food (and restrictive vegan which is free of gluten and soy!), previously unexplored options are now on the table.  So when I asked Fuzz if he'd grab a jicama from his sojourn to the evil empire (Whole Foods, who still isn't treating their employees very nicely), his response was predictable: "WTF's a jicama, and how do you spell that?"

I explained what a jicama is -- known as a "Mexican turnip" or a "yam bean," it's a root veggie that is found in Mexico originally and is now also cultivated in parts of Asia.  It can be eaten raw or cooked, and many people compare the flavor and texture to raw beans, apples, and pears.

When I first thought of try a jicama in our quest for "grab-ables," all I knew was that jicama was crunchy and looked a little like a celery root (which made me wonder if it was related to celery -- I don't think it is).  Fuzz came back from the store with two jicamas (jicamae?) which he'd said cost about $1.99 a pound.  Not bad!  The next day, I went into the kitchen to peel and chop them.

What a pain in the ass to peel these jokers are.  NO LIE, they're going to make you swear mightily if you're not used to peeling them.  I used a standard veggie peeler, but then when I got to the onion-dome-shaped ends, I got lazy and hacked them off.  They looked pretty sad and gross without their skin, but I persevered.

Left: Big peeled jicama blob. Right: Tasty crunchy chunks.

After halving them, I decided to slice them into chunks and strips.  They look much prettier once they have been chopped, that's for sure.  Turns out that the jicama is pretty tasty raw.  It does have just a hint of sweetness to it, kind of like an apple or pear.  But it's not really that fruity, just a tiny bit of refreshing sweetness.  Jicama is crunchy, and a bit starchy like if a raw potato and a pear had some kind of illicit love-child.  I've heard that jicama is often eaten with salt, lime, and chili.  I can also see putting it in salads or dipping it in hummus or salsa.  There was one webpage that suggested chopping it into pieces and putting it on a fruit or veggie tray because it doesn't brown the way that apples do -- and I'll try that for sure next time I have a party.

Soy-Free, Gluten-Free, Vegan Fake Meat! (Part 1)

Behold: "I Can Believe It's Not Meat, But What the Hell, I'll Still Eat It!"

Living with a vegan can be a difficult thing when you love meat and dairy.  I don't think I could stand giving up things like chocolate, sushi (with fish, not just veg), and cheese.  Poultry would be a tough thing to quit, as well.  My nutritionist agrees that, because of my special dietary requirements, I should not have to give these things up as my need for protein trumps my desire to have less animal products in my diet.  As I always say, if it's something that you need to do... you need to do it! ;)

However, that doesn't mean that I'm not a good flexitarian.  Lately I've been taking to making a "universal" meal for the household that everyone can eat -- it's gluten free, soy free, and vegan -- but then we include extra add-ons in our own individual plates.  It is working out so far!

By the way, last week I watched my first episode of "Dr. Oz" ever, and he said that 20% of the world has trouble digesting gluten!  Ahhh, delicious gluten.  I don't know if I'm in that group or not, but due to my household's needs, the "universal" method seems to be working fine.  I use the vegan food as my side dish, and usually add a big ole hunk of soy or animal flesh to my portion.  Fuzz will eat the vegan food and possibly add extra carbs (which I can't have), such as potatoes or rice with his portion.

Doesn't that look similar to a big plate of nasty raw meat?

I have found several "vegan meat alternatives" online, and here's one that I Frankensteined together based on a number of different recipes.  It looks like ground beef, and is perfect for adding into things like pasta sauce, tacos, chili, shepherd's pie, and other things that require some tasty ground beef-like vibes.  This is a good one if you like that slow-roasted flavor, and if you're fortunate enough to have a gas oven (I'm not), I bet you'll love it even more!


Ingredients:

1 head of cauliflower, trimmed and cut into florets

1 3/4 cups of walnuts

about half a can of beets, drained and chopped

5 ounces of raw mushrooms

1-2 Roma tomatoes, chopped

2 tablespoons balsamic vinegar

Here's ours after about half an hour.  1 more hour to go!

2 tablespoons olive oil

1 teaspoon granulated garlic

1 teaspoon liquid smoke

1/2 teaspoon of your favorite seasoning salt

2 pinches of sage

(Optional: 2-4 tablespoons of rice protein powder to amp up your protein!)

Preheat your oven to 400*.  Chop up your cauliflower and blend it in the food processor until it's very fine in consistency.  Next, chop your mushrooms, tomatoes, and beet.  Add them along with all of your other ingredients into the food processor, and give them a good whirl!  Mix everything together in a big bowl and knead it just like you would with a meat loaf.

Take one big cookie sheet, or in our case, two baking dishes, and fill them up with "meat."  Pop them in the oven and find a way to stay busy while these things cook.  They're going to need somewhere between 45 minutes and an hour and a half to get nice and dark and well-cooked!

Not bad at all! :)

You'll know it's done when it's a darker color, resembling ground meat.  Keep in mind that these crumbles are very loose; ours were not clumpy in any way -- I think they would be awesome if they were more clumpy for things like tacos or whatever, but I was still happy with the loose fine texture.  Pair with your favorite gluten-free pasta & vegan sauce, and you have a dinner that will evoke those good old non-restrictive food days!

I Love Kala Namak Black Salt!

Kala namak is also known as "black salt." Usually it comes from India, and is often a pale pinkish or grayish colors.  You can see the picture that I took of my newly purchased black salt... It consists of a strong flavored salt with extra minerals. There is a sulfur flavor in there too, which some may find icky but I love it!

My need for kala namak originated from my desire to make vegan eggs. I usually do tofu scramble, and have my own special blend of seasonings, but last year I learned how to make vegan sunny-side-up eggs (Thanks to "The Airy Way"!) and was informed that the black salt can really add something tasty to this dish.

My search online showed that black salt can be expensive, but Fluffy grabbed me a pack at his local Indian grocery for a mere 99 cents!  It is packaged by Maya Overseas Foods Inc. and seems to be of perfect quality. I'll be making my next vegan egg attempt soon, so watch this space for details! :)

I'm Making My Own Extracts & You Can Too!

I've had a big bottle of cheapo vodka burning a hole in my cabinets for quite some time now!  My plan was to (a) make my own extracts, (b) make my own essential oils, and (c) make my own perfume.  I've had perfume-related fails before, as you may know, so I'm still trying to figure out how I want to do that.

Months ago, I bought some dried juniper berries which I've been wanting to turn into extract and essential oil, so that's my plan at this point.  Rather than sit around waiting for shit to happen and THEN blog about it, I decided to start now and do this entry in realtime.

Looks like a lot more than it actually is.

I used about an ounce of dried food-grade juniper berries for this little experiment, and about 8 ounces of vodka.  (Yeah, I'm making a lot!  I guess it'll be kind of like fake gin.)  The research I've done suggests using a bottle or jar with dark-colored glass as light can interfere with the integrity of the extract, but I've decided to settle for a family-sized plastic Ragu jar which I'll be keeping away from light.

The juniper berries will be absorbing the alcohol, which will then absorb all of the delicious juniper essence from the berries.  Juniper berries have a somewhat oily consistency on the inside, so they should yield a very nice extract in a relatively short amount of time.  I'll probably keep these marinating for about a week or two.  I may give the berries a good squish after about a week, but when the extract is finished, I will drain it and bottle it.  And don't worry, I won't forget to take pictures! :)

Review: Karma Naturals Cosmetics

I apologize for not posting more within the past several weeks -- believe me, you have not been far from my mind! :)

Unfortunately, the cell phone that I keep with me to document all of my awesome projects -- a Motorola Cliq that I had finally gotten used to using -- has died a sudden and untimely death.  Currently I'm back to using the first cellphone I ever had, a Samsung r225, from around 2002.  All of the phones since then I've donated or thrown away, but I always keep my durable old r225 for "just in case."  Although the technology is primitive, and there's a lot less to keep me occupied while I'm on the toilet, it's a durable and serviceable phone.  I am rather enjoying my bout with involuntary simplicity, at least as far as phone usage goes.

Because I don't have any cute pictures to share, I figured I'd just do a fast review on a company that I've recently done some business with.  I needed some new mineral foundation, so I bought a few samples from "Karma Naturals" through eBay.  Although I had ordered a "White Mousse" shade, they were out of that -- so I wound up getting colors called "Almond Latte" and "Vanilla Creme," which I mixed together and added a bit of baby powder to lighten.  (I have very pale skin, so it's not an uncommon thing for me to have to do.)  Despite the substitutions, I still liked the foundation.  It covered smoothly and evenly, and definitely made my skin look prettier in a natural way, rather than a corpse-y way -- which is good, since I've been needing to be a little more in the public eye lately.

Added benefits of doing business with Karma Naturals: The items shipped fast, and they even included a free vegan lip balm in pina colada, which I enjoyed even more than the foundation itself!  The foundation has stayed in the makeup kit in my purse, though the lovely moisturizing lip balm has a place by my bedside; I tend to use it in the morning and at night.

I was also given a coupon code to use at the website as well, which I definitely intend to do once I run out of stuff.  I am sooooo getting another lip balm -- with flavors like Devil's Food or Clover Honey, how can you resist? -- and the African Red Tea (rooibos) face cream sounds like something I'd like to give a whirl as well.  Their presentation is just the way I like things to be -- practical and effective, yet luxurious and fun, all at the same time. Karma Naturals makes all kinds of very interesting things, from organic lip balms and vegan makeup products, to soaps, fragrances, lotions, and other interesting body products.  Their website can be found at http://shop.karma-naturals.com, so check 'em out -- and hopefully they won't be too mad at me for borrowing photos from their website for this post! ;)

The Incredible Edible Vegg!

I came across a recipe for vegan egg yolks on The Airy Way.  Usually I just do a tasty tofu scramble with my "secret ingredients," but I thought Zoa's take on vegan egg-style meal was really innovative!  The pictures were so tempting, and the idea of making a tofu "egg white" with a yellow "yolk" just couldn't be filed away for too long.  And yes, there was a footnote about people finding the ingredients to be "gross" -- which, I must admit, I kinda did!  But my curiosity outweighed the gross factor, and I'm so glad it did, because I discovered that it's actually pretty good.  So try it, maybe you'll like it too!

Here are the ingredients from Zoa's blog:

Vegan egg yolk (makes 2 yolks)

1/2 tbsp Veganaise
1/2 tbsp carrot juice (if you don't have carrot juice, just finely grate a carrot and squeeze the juice out of it)
2 tbsp vegetable broth (or 2 tbsp water and 1/4 tsp nutritional yeast)
1 tbsp Earth Balance*
1 tsp cornstarch

(*Admittedly, I did not vegan-ize this recipe all the way.  All I had was "I Can't Believe It's Not Butter," please don't be mad at me!)

The real technique can be found if you click on the Airy Way link above.  The recommended microwaving time is in 5-second increments, which I failed to remember while I was doing my cooking (I had only written down the ingredients.)  As it was, I just mixed everything together -- using the water/nutritional yeast method -- and microwaved it in 20 second increments, whisking the hell out of it after each pass.  I think it took me two 20-second passes in the microwave.  You might need a third, depending on how hot your microwave cooks.  Or you can just follow Zoa's directions and do it correctly. ;)

After I first mixed everything together, I must admit that it that it looked pretty ho-riffic.  I began to have some second thoughts, but decided to press on!

Yeah, it's not a pretty picture.  If it looks like this, you're (unfortunately)
 doing it right.  But... keep going.  It gets better, I promise! :)

After the first 20-second pass in the microwave, I whisked the hell out of it, then did another pass.  It mellowed into a beautiful golden egg-yolk yellow shade.  The consistency was smooth and velvety, with just a hint of lumps from the carrot I grated to get the carrot juice.  And incidentally, I would not recommend omitting the carrot juice from this recipe; I must admit that I don't taste it much at all, but it really does help impart a beautiful eggy color to the finished product.

Somehow, everything melted and melded together
into a beautiful "vegg yolk" starter!

Zoa carved a hole into the tofu and then in a separate post (here) recommended microwaving the tofu before filling the hole with the "yolk" -- it makes the wet tofu give up its water a lot more efficiently, and become more eggy in texture.  I carved my yolk holes, and did my best to shape the tofu.  Mine weren't even remotely as pretty as hers, but hey, I tried!

Yum!  It's not just for breakfast anymore!

The blog posting also recommended that the yolk mixture made a good sauce on its own as well, so for the rest of my 'fu, I made another batch -- only this time, at the end, I added a dash of Montreal seasoning and a packet of True Lemon.  Viola... I Can't Believe It's Not Hollandaise! ;)

All in all, I'd give this experiment a good solid B+.  I'll give it another shot sometime and make it an even better grade in the future.

Shit on a Stick Redux

In keeping with the spirit of my "Summer of Food on Sticks," I have decided to write a bonus article about some of the other things I've been putting on sticks lately.  It's not all about beef heart choochacheechachoo in this house. ;)

One of the healthiest, easiest, and tastiest "stuff on sticks" that I enjoy is frozen grape choochacheechachoo.  These are super easy, and so convenient when you need a snack. 

FROZEN GRAPE CHOOCHACHEECHACHOO

INGREDIENTS:

grapes (best if you have 2 or more colors)

EQUIPMENT:

skewers

All you need to do is wash your grapes well, and then place 9 grapes on each skewer.  If you have many different types of grapes, you can do some fun patterns, too!  Pop them into the freezer and keep them there overnight.  These look beautiful arranged in bunches on a platter or tray, but are also a wonderfully convenient fruit snack when you're craving something quick, sweet, and satisfying.  Kids love them too.

Succotash Without the Suffering

For a long time, I was unable to eat corn in its natural state.  Sure, I'd enjoy the occasional cornbread product, or taco, and you just know there's nothing better than that first swig out of an ever-so-slightly chilled can of Coke after rolling out of bed at the crack of noon.  But corn -- just plain old corn?  Would I, could I, on the cob?  Oh, hells no!

I live in the real world, and am never afraid to cook with limitations.  Before Fuzzband and I were married, we lived in sin together all over the country. During our time in Phoenix, we were so broke that we literally had a single-digit dollar amount as our grocery budget quite a lot of the time.  Fortunately, I was a really creative shopper and an even more creative cook.  With the combination of my ingenuity, the energy of my youth, and the inspirado of a girl passionately in love, each day was a challenge which I met happily.  We lived off of Kool-Aid, ramen, cans of pork-n-beans, and the oft-present shitty ground beef offered in "tube" form.  If key lime pie Yoplait went on sale for a quarter a pop, we'd occasionally treat ourselves.  When payday came around, we'd feast at the $4 Chinese grease buffet, always sure to stuff my backpack full of gallon-size freezer bags with which to smuggle a few egg rolls and chicken wings as parts for my Frankensteinian culinary creations.

And there was corn.  Oh, sweet Jesus on toast, was there ever corn!  We'd get a dozen cobs of the stuff for anywhere between 50 and 80 cents at Albertson's or Smitty's.  It was cheap, it was plentiful, and it was available any time of year.  I put corn into as many dishes as I could think of.  We ate so much corn that it turned up at "bathroom breaks" even on the days when it wasn't prominently featured on the menu.  After we left Phoenix, I had gained several thousand culinary experience points, though I never again bought corn on the cob.

...Until this year.  It was truly memorable... thirteen years after living in Phoenix, my husband spotted the corn on the counter and gasped, "OH MY GOD, IS THIS CORN AND WHERE THE HELL DID IT COME FROM?"  I've been giving cooking lessons to a friend, so I assume that he'd guessed that someone had brought it over.  But no, it was me... commissioning the delivery of the corn, determined to give it a whirl once again.  True, it wasn't as sweet a deal as I'd gotten in the gay '90s, now at a cool dollar for 6 cobs, but still it somehow made the cut on my PeaPod list, like a particularly bloody car accident or some awful porn featuring unnatural and hilarious contents.  You know you shouldn't look, but it's way too hideous not to rubberneck a little.  And so goes my current adventure.

A couple of years ago I'd found a succotash recipe that I just loved -- it was designed for diabetics, and this variant featured edamame instead of starchy lima beans, and sweet fibrous yellow zucchini chopped into little bits to substitute for the corn.  Occasionally I pull this recipe out when I'm looking for a nice veggie side, but this week I was craving something that was a cross between the healthy fiber-rich version, and the typical comforting dish we all know and love.  Here's what I came up with:

PRETTY GOOD SUCCOTASH

INGREDIENTS:

1-2 yellow zucchini (use a couple if they're really small)

1 green zucchini

2 cobs of corn, removed from the cob

4 ounce can of lima beans

1 medium onion

2 tablespoons Olive oil

McCormick Montreal seasoning mix to taste (I use a couple of pinches)

Chop the onion and cook it in the olive oil until it's golden and translucent (about 10 minutes).  While the onion cooks, chop your zucchini into small pieces, about the size of grains of corn.   Add the zucchini to the pan, stir well, and cover the pan while the zucchini steams (should take about 5 minutes or so).  When the zucchini starts to become tender, add the Montreal seasoning, lima beans, and corn.  Stir and keep on the heat for another minute or two, until everything has been heated through.  (Corn can be eaten raw, but it is nice to get it warmed up a little!)  Remove from heat and serve.

This Just In: Sprouting Rules!

I subscribe to a number of email discussion groups which talk about cooking techniques, recipes, and how to incorporate healthier stuff into one's diet. I consider myself to be something of a flexitarian: I'm not a big fan of red meat, and I avoid eggs because sunny-side-up is a royal pain in the ass to get right. However, I do like animal flesh from time to time (mainly poultry and/or anything in sushi form... mmmm, sushi!), and while I'm not majorly into other dairy products, I practically worship the ground that cheese walks on. Even so, many of my meals are vegetarian and/or vegan. I'm always trying to come up with cooking ideas that are interesting, fun, and not too hard on the ol' pocketbook.

A true favorite of mine when I lived in Redmond, WA in the 1990s was a snack called "Munchies and Crunchies." I could get these yummy little gems at the Safeway across the street from my apartment. They were basically a mix of peas, adzuki beans, and lentils with cute little sprouty tails on them. I loved them! True to their name, they were very crunchy and awesome for munching. I often craved the fresh taste and snappy texture, so it was with great sadness that I came to the realization that they were not available at any markets in New England after Fuzz and I moved here in 1999. (The time following was not without beseeching Google about "Where can I buy Munchies and Crunchies in Massachusetts?" / "How do you make munchies and crunchies?")

One of the discussions that I remember on a list years ago, was about "sprouting." There was this small faction of folks who'd fanatically proclaim to us all, "I'm sprouting! Oh yes indeedily-doodily, I love to sprout...Because I'M A SPROUTER!" I never really understood what "sprouting" was, though it seemed complicated and weird to me (I guessed they were alfalfa sprouts which required complicated tools and exotic hard-to-find supplies, as well as a large expanse of backyard in which to garden), plus I found their almost cultish enthusiasm more than a little off-putting. So I deleted those emails and moved on with my life.

Years later (about 3 weeks ago, to be exact), as I searched for ideas about what to feed my elderly pet rabbit in order to fatten him up after a bout of nasty health issues, I came across an online forum about making sprouts at home for pet birds. One of the things they suggested using were lentils. I thought, "What the hell!?" and poured half a cup of lentils (a bag which was supposed to go into a chili that I wound up being too lazy to make) into a big bowl of water to soak.

In the morning, I drained off the water as best as I could, rinsed the beans according to the instructions, and left things to settle. That was the night Fuzz and I went to see The Damned (who, by the way, gave an awesome performance! I especially loved how offended the youngsters were by their dirty jokes. Guess you can't make fun of pedophile priests in front of a Bostonian audience without ruffling a few feathers!)... by the time I'd given the lentils their final rinse, it was 2 a.m. and the little tails were starting to pop out. In just a few hours, these dormant dried lentils had come to life! I could hardly believe my eyes. These were a key component of Munchies and Crunchies, and I'd just made them! By myself!

The next day, the sprouts were even better! I rinsed everything and put them in an old pasta jar. I also did some research about how to keep the sprouts, and made some mesh tops for my jars -- yes, jars. (Fuzz brought me some whole peas a couple of days later so that I could make the most of my new experiment.)

It wasn't long before those lentils and peas had been eaten with gusto, and I was already starting in on my next batches. I'd gotten a bean mix from "seedmart" on eBay, and Fuzz surprised me with a bag of black turtle beans which turned out beautifully. My favorite are still lentils, which are the easiest of all (and great for beginners, hint hint!), and whole green peas. Best of all, I just finished my first bag of dried lentils after 3 weeks -- a bag which originally cost me just 80 cents! The peas were 95 cents, so this is an excellent pastime for anyone who wants to eat super-duper fresh produce and spend very little money. Plus, the best part is that you can make exotic salads and nonchalantly/proudly mention that YOU MADE the sprouts. It feels vaguely godlike -- I can see why those sprouters of years ago felt as if it were a religious experience.

EASY LENTIL SPROUTS FOR BEGINNERS:

Ingredients/Equipment:

1 very clean jar (save a pasta sauce jar and use that to start)
1 rubber band
1 bit of cheesecloth, mesh fabric, fishnet, whatever, etc. big enough to cover jar opening
1/2 cup dried lentils
about 2 cups cool water

Before placing lentils in the jar, rinse them in a strainer or a bowl big enough to allow you to stir them up well. Then, place lentils into your jar and fill the jar up with water. (Your half-cup of lentils will absorb water and become 2 to 4 times bigger!) Put your fabric over the mouth of the jar and secure with rubber band. Leave the lentils alone and let them soak for 8-12 hours.

After enough time has elapsed, dump the water (through the mesh) and add more, shaking the jar gently to rinse all the lentils. Dump the water again, and rinse a couple of times each day to avoid the growth of mold. The lentils will burst into life, and grow little sprouty tails! When you're satisfied with the size of the sprout, you're done! (You can eat them as soon as the sprout grows as long as the bean. The ones I did, pictured, got a little too long, but were tasty and healthy anyway.)

A few brief words of warning: Raw kidney bean sprouts are TOXIC. They will make you very sick, or kill you, so cook kidney sprouts before you eat them. Other sprouts, such as lentils, peas (whole peas only; split ones don't sprout), adzuki beans, and chick peas are safe and yummy raw. Also, do not feed sprouts of any kind to your pets until you're 100% sure they're safe for the animal to eat. Ask your vet or favorite animal expert. (Apparently bunnies like lentil sprouts, but I wanna check with my vet first!)

Sproutpeople.Com also has a ton of information. You can also get more exotic bean mixes there, as well as fancy supplies. :)

If you want to see videos about sprouting, check out these awesome folks! First, have a look at these wacky New Zealanders' video, which explains it perfectly!









...And, there's also this adorable Canadian girl showing us how to make broccoli sprouts from little seeds!

Review: A Work of Cavi-Art

Last month, Fuzzband regaled me with some of his co-workers’ tales of woe about Valentine’s Day.

Apparently, some girlfriends and wives are harder to impress than others. I’ve always thought that I was definitely one of the more easily satisfied “V. D.”** gift recipients, but I suppose everyone thinks they’re easy to shop for than they actually are. As far as “V. D.” goes, my preferences are usually different than that of other people (OK, except my weakness for jewelry). I love roses because they make awesome potpourri and incense, but having them makes me feel totally guilty ’cause they’re so expensive. (Hell, I’d rather just get some really awesome incense, like from the Holy Rood Guild or something!) Fuzzband suggested that I start making lists for occasions wherein he’s run out of inspirado. Sure, it might not be as fun as a surprise, and a “Gimmie List” makes me feel like a total hog, but the benefits of saving time and money far outweigh my feeling like a selfish ass. And anyway, it was his idea, so that makes it OK. ;)
When quizzed by his co-workers about what he’d planned to buy me for “V. D.”, he replied with an item from my list. ”Vegan caviar,” he said, amid horrified expressions. I guess it’s not as cute and romantic as some stuff, but hey, it’s what I wanted. When you’ve been married for almost 9 years, you stop giving a shit about obscenely priced roses, and although candy is always appreciated, sickeningly sweet heart-shaped boxes just clutter up the house once the candy’s gone. (Jewelry’s okay, though.)
When the big day arrived, I peeled back the packing tape on the beautifully-wrapped UPS box containing my Cavi-Art, and produced 3 little jars of loveliness — one black, one red, and one that resembled ikura (salmon roe). I was surprised to see how good in the closed jar; if the label hadn’t said “Seaweed Caviar” on it, I’d never have known the difference. This stuff looked exactly like the real thing! Of course, looks aren’t everything, so I still had a healthy amount of skepticism.
Some of the reviews I’d seen of this product were all, “Maybe if I chill this first, it wouldn’t suck soooobad,” so I popped it into the fridge, wanting it to be ready for me as soon as I remembered to get new camera batteries. I did, however, sneak a taste of each jar prior to getting batteries… I just couldn’t resist trying it.
The ikura was the first one that I’d tried, and was the focus of one review that had truly worried me. The reviewer mentioned that there was an overpoweringly yucky dill flavor, and the stuff inside had an “oily” mouthfeel. This was not encouraging.
Real ikura is usually a deep orangey-red color. Upon removal from the jar, I saw that the mock ikura was much paler, and the brine that it floated in was very thin and watery, so it needed to be drained before I was able to have a decent sample. It also had these adorable little spotted bits, not unlike salmon roe, but much more obvious than actual ikura. Upon tasting, there was indeed what seemed to be a “dill pickle” note somewhere in there, but it wasn’t too overpowering for me, nor was it much of a turn-off. The balls of fake salmon roe popped nicely in my mouth, pretty similar to the real thing. I’d miss real ikura if I stopped eating it, but this stuff isn’t a bad substitute.
Visually, the red and black “lumpfish” varieties were dead ringers for the real thing. They didn’t have the same strong pickle essence as the ikura, and to me, the red didn’t taste any different than the black. I liked these “traditional” faux caviars a little better; not as salty as actual fish eggs, though they definitely had a strong veggies-in-brine type of flavor. The “eggs” were just the right size, though a bit more firm than the real thing, and yielded less liquid when they popped.
While I do love real caviar, I will definitely buy this product again. There are certain advantages to Cavi-Art, such as:
1. It won’t give you the runs, like regular caviar can. (Is it the high salt content or the cholesterol?)
2. This stuff keeps for weeks, maybe months! Eggs that come from an actual fish are good maybe a week, tops, before they need to be eaten or tossed. Cavi-Art is basically a pickled vegetable which can keep for a long-ass time. The jars that I got were about $8 each, which is a great price for something I don’t feel pressured to hurry up and use before it gets old.
3. The brine in Cavi-Art is clear. Real caviar often needs to be rinsed before using it as a garnish, or else you get nasty-looking fish juice all over your pretty hors d’oeuvre platter. Would my adorable little toast points with herbed creme fraiche look even half as sexy with a bunch of gunk all over them? Hells no!
4. The “lumpfish” style of Cavi-Art is firmer than true fish eggs, so if you stir it into something, the little eggs don’t immediately pop and discolor your food. They’re also easier to manipulate because you’re confident that they’re not going to break at the slightest provocation.
The only real drawback that I can think of is that Cavi-Art could stand to have a little more of a fishy taste; it’s definitely more of a veggie flavor. Even so, I’m still floored at how awesome it turned out to be. I’ll definitely be returning to their USA website for more when the need arises.
**(By the way… can someone tell me when the hell people started deeming it acceptable to refer to Valentine’s Day in its abbreviated form? Are people not aware of what they’re actually saying? Everytime I hear someone call it “V. D.,” it makes me snicker like a 12-year-old who caught her parents saying a bad word. For some of us, I guess every over-commercialized marketing ploy that The Man calls a “holiday” is at least as uncomfortable as an infested crotch — but even still, all of those people cluelessly spouting “V. D.” are pretty entertaining.)